Desire is a funny thing; it’s heady and compelling. It can also be uncomfortable and vulnerable. We are encouraged, indoctrinated, even, to want, want, want; to chase the never-ending ‘more’ of our consumer culture. Often set in the language of ‘goals’ or planning, we are taught to seek the answer to our want outside ourselves – in the material world, rather than to connect deep within to our core desires, to our feelings.
I want a new pair of shoes. I desire to feel beautiful, powerful, and desired. I want to earn xx in my business by the end of the year. I desire to feel successful, abundant, and safe. I don’t necessarily need to have the shoes or make that particular amount of money to feel those things, but so often the desire gets missed in the wanting and the pursuing. It is far less vulnerable to want a pair of shoes (or an amount of money, a house, or a vacation) than it is to desire to feel beautiful, powerful, and desired; or successful, abundant, and safe —or whatever those ‘core desired feelings’ are.
It is a deeply courageous act to claim our desires; to name, claim, and step into our truth and power in our lives. Our desires are deeply vulnerable; they come from our essence – that deepest part of us – where our truth lives. To acknowledge our yearning is to risk the discomfort of being fully with the experience of not having what we so deeply desire and staying with that feeling long enough for it to shift: for spaciousness to emerge so we can move toward our desires.
Openly naming our desires, especially in relationship with others, is to risk the vulnerability of being fully seen. Sometimes, it is to risk making someone else uncomfortable or even to create conflict. It is risking ‘betraying another to remain true to ourselves’. The paradox is that only in taking that risk to be true to ourselves can we ever really be true and trustworthy to another.
Stepping into this kind of courageous paradox is easier when we are supported in it; when we call on allies to witness us and cheer us on when it’s scary.
I desire to feel connected, abundant, passionate, and congruent. These are what Danielle LaPorte calls my ‘Core Desired Feelings’—or at least they’re today’s iteration of them. I am still feeling into these words, trying them on, and getting a sense of whether they are just the right fit (just like that perfect pair of shoes).
In January, I will be leading two of Danielle’s Desire Map book clubs; one in person, one virtual – both free. If you’re interested, I’d love for you to join me. I know the value of the book club, as I am one of the many people who bought the book a year ago with great enthusiasm, and then didn’t follow through with it. In preparation for leading the book club, I hunkered down and completed my own Desire Map. It was essential to me that I went through the process before attempting to lead / support others through it. It was illuminating and important; I discovered that I still need the book club for me because I am now ready to do the process again; this time in a supportive circle where I can dig a little deeper and get under the surface to where the juice and the truth live. It’s time to put the shoes on and be seen in them.
- How do you want to feel?
- What could shift for you if you named, claimed, and stepped into your desires?
- How would support make a difference in Mapping your Desire?
If you would like individual support for your process, please talk to me about coaching.